+8 votes
in Bug Report by (270 points)
edited by

My Friend Thuggish and I were so excited to be able to play this awesome new update, and we couldn't wait to crash land on some remote planet in search of leaves, woods, and iron. Things were going swimmingly (minus that one time I almost died because of flying lightbulb bugs). We got a few milestones upgraded, and started building conveyor belts when the problems began. What followed is what I can only assume are activated safeguards of FICSIT, Inc. disaster recovery systems.

Crash Number 1: 9:42 PM:

I was creating conveyor belts while in a joined game.

Crash Number 2: 10:09 PM:

I was doing nothing... but standing and admiring the beauty of the area while in a joined game with my friend. FICSIT would like to remind you that this game is under 24-hour surveillance. Will you go out with me? I hear dating is a thing.

Crash Number 3: 10:16 PM:

Greetings. I have crashed again, 3rd time in about 1 hour. These messages are fun to write. This time I was looking in the HUB trying to decide which milestone to go after next. You see, we just finished the splitters and mergers and now my friend Thuggish suggests that we should go after the Biofuel, however, you have decided to add it to the walls, and now our chainsaw, is on a different milestone. So, now my friend Thuggish has decided that we are getting the chainsaw, as I was typing this. Please remember that all communications from FICSIT approved messaging devices are monitor and recorded for quality assurance.  Thank you.

Crash Number 4: 10:32 PM:

Greetings, this is now crash number 4. It was a dutiful and masterful crash. I was reviewing which milestone to choose in the HUB.  My friend Thuggish thinks that Personal Storage is probably best. I was in his joined game, which I have been in for the past 1 hour and 23 minutes (minus the time it has taken me to write these love notes to you). Additionally, I can not see power graphs on the power poles, nor can I add materials to smelters, constructors, and miners which I can only assume is part of FICSIT's Integrated Host Security System to ensure rogue workers comply with all company policies. My friend Thuggish has said that while I typed this, our milestone voyage dropbox thing-a-mah-jiggy has come back and now he's selecting Personal Storage.  Oh and by the way, the MAM has finished analyzing the contents that we were scanning. Oh wait, that's just my friend Thuggish flushing the toilet after having to take a massive dump.  A real dump. Not a crash dump. Thank you.

Crash Number 5: 11:16 PM:

Good evening. I have crashed (again) while walking along the foundation that we placed on top of an ocean. While walking, I was admiring the sunset as I traversed over what could possibly be about 400 squares of foundation that we built while trying to identify the edge of the world (actually just the game, but don't tell FICSIT). I had just returned from filling personal storage up with more concrete and was walking out to continue building our bridge to somewhere... possibly over a rainbow.  Oh wait, that's not a rainbow, that's a rock arch where the oil is. Anyways, as I was saying, my game crashed for really no reason at all. I can only assume that I must have done something incredibly wrong and bad and I should feel sorry. Oh and P.S., My Friend Thuggish might need some Miralax.  He's constipated. Let's see when this crashes again! Cheers! and Thank you for your cooperation. 

Crash Number 6: 11:38 PM:

Good evening. The time is 11:38PM. And I have crashed again while joined in a game that My Friend Thuggish is hosting. During this episode, I was just completing the Fabric milestone and was about to select a new milestone when the game froze. It was like I was stuck in a space-time continuum vacuum that only lasted a second (just long enough for this Crash Reporter to run) but seemed like an eternity stuck in purgatory between the real world and the satisfactory world. Unrelated, we also just started to scan the 20 Mycelia in the MAM. Did you know that MAM sounds like MOM if you're southern?  It's now time for me to submit this report. I shall continue to play in the game that My Friend Thuggish is hosting.  P.S. he just told me that if I crash again, he is going to bail on me. Oh no... I hope that I don't. However, I'm not betting against the favorite at the moment. Sincerely, Me. The Guy that keeps crashing. Not to be confused with crushing. Because, as an employee of the FICSIT, Inc. company, I am required to have a crush on my MAM. P.P.S. That's a MAM Joke.

Per FICSIT, Inc. standard operating procedures, I have fully documented these bug reports and sent them up to the grand Space Elevator of the Internet.

by (110 points)
This is a true story.
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